I recently learned a very valuable lesson during a day spent working with horses who are completely at liberty - i.e. the usual "tools" that humans have at their disposal were not allowed (halter, rope, bridle and bit, whip).  My first task of the day was to ‘ask’ my horse (Ollie) to walk around me in a circle. ‘Simple enough’ I thought - stepping forward and trying on my best encouraging tone. Not so. Ollie stood still giving me that enigmatic stare which horses do so well. After a few embarrassing minutes I admitted defeat. There was no way I could imagine that I’d be able to get Ollie to walk around me.

What was immediately made clear me was that I had forgotten some equine etiquette. While I was intently focussed on ‘getting’ Ollie to complete the task, I had skipped a simple but vital stage. I hadn’t honoured Ollie’s uniqueness!

Believing I knew the outcome of the task, I had focussed exclusively on getting Ollie there rather than establishing trust and engaging him to want to complete the task.

It occurred to me is that these early stages of relationship building are equally important to humans as well as horses. How often do we as trainers, leaders, managers, mentors, coaches, partners, friends and parents rush headlong into getting on with the task at hand rather than taking the time to build a solid and trusting foundation with our colleagues, participants, partners, children…?

That same week I worked with a group who were looking for ways in which they could more actively engage their students. Many of these highly experienced trainers were falling into the same trap as I did with Ollie. They were focussed intently upon the task of imparting their knowledge. None of them had taken a few minutes in the early stages of their sessions to begin building a real relationship with the group.

We can draw a parallel here with my experience with Ollie. Here, my focus on task at the expense of relationship rewarded me with immediate feedback. Ollie, being much stronger than I, simply refused to move a muscle. With the group of trainers, those delegates who are "strong" enough will simply refuse to take part; the rest will submit and perform grudgingly. By leading our audience before pacing and creating rapport we are more likely to create apathy than meaning for our audience, so reducing their ability to retain their learning.

So how do you build relationships with groups of mixed age, mixed ability, mixed commitment?

Let’s get to get back to basics and make time for contracting. How often do we overlook this simple element in our rush to get on with the ‘serious’ business - the content of our workshops? A few minutes allocated in the very early stages of a presentation can be the difference that makes the difference. How else will you know:

What outcomes your group may have?

What they expect of you and each other?

How they prefer to learn?

What's going on for them at the moment - their "state"?

What they want to contribute?

Call to action:

Next time you facilitate a meeting or workshop, schedule some time at the start to contract with your group

• Ask your audience for their outcomes, expectations and contributions

• Create an agenda which can be flexed depending on the needs of your audience

If you want to know more about Ollie and his friends, and how working with horses can be used for all sorts of personal development breakthroughs - contact Paul Hunting at www.horsejoy.com

This week’s FriendlyBrain Tip comes to you from Steve Marriott of Kaizen Training. Kaizen Training Limited is a well-established consulting and training firm based in the UK and offering its services to the global business community. Training for Excellence is a leading-edge Train the Trainer company based in the U.S. and providing training programs internationally. For more information, contact us at info@wetrain.biz